Funny how things change, part III

Sorry for the boring titles as of late but I really can't think of anything better to describe it...  Todd called me up on Monday night to apologize and clear the air... then called me again on Tuesday just to make sure I was okay... and invited me over for last night, so I went... And we seem to be on much better  terms.  Sometimes it scares me how much my emotions can fluctuate depending on what's going on around me.  I wonder if I'm too dependant on the people I love, or if I'm just an emotional type.  I wouldn't describe myself as emo though.  I was in the past, but long before it became a fad.  In fact it sickens me the way genuine problems have become understated thanks to these attention-seeking jerks.  It's just awful how cutting yourself has turned into nothing short of a trend.  These people are going to be scarred for life, just for the sake of making themselves popular in a crowd.  And then those people who are cutting because they are genuinely depressed don't get the help they need because they are told they are attention seeking.  It makes me so angry.

... I seem to have digressed from what the point of this entry was going to be.  Umm.  *backtracks*  Oh yes, I was going to talk a little about spirituality.  A few months ago I would have described myself as religious... but I don't think I honestly can any more.  My faith system has really changed.  See I was in this church that basically wanted to control every aspect of your life, even down to your hairstyle and the music you listened to.  And for a while I thought these people were truly right because they had biblical references for everything they said.  But it got too much for me and I left in January this year.  And since then I've just been realizing more and more how very wrong that church was.  The whole point of religion/faith is to bring you closer to God, but this just drove everyone away and made life a nightmare as you fought and fought to be something you never could be: their idea of the perfect person.  And now... my faith has sort of changed.  I mean I still believe in God, but things just seem to be so much more simple now.  He loves me, and I've realized that the way I worship has got nothing to do with religion or any other person, it's between me and him.  It's so refreshing not to have to answer to anyone any more.  Although having said that, a lot of Christians seem to be "concerned" about me, that I'm somehow sinning for not being the stereotype.  It makes me sort of sad because I feel so happy and and peace, while they're still striving on trying to be something they're not.

Anyway... those are my spiels for today.  I'm going away on a retreat weekend with my mum as of tomorrow evening, really looking forward to it because I'll get a chance to go rock climbing again!  I really enjoyed it last year.  Plus, this year I am so much more well than I was when I went before.  I was so, so ill this time last year; it's amazing how far I've come.  This time last year I was anorexic, depressed and in therapy.  This time this year I'm slightly overweight (body went nuts and piled on the flab, haha), happy and not in therapy.  I'm kinda proud of myself for that, for getting through it.  But I know that without my faith, family and friends, I wouldn't be here any more.  I'm just so grateful I've been given another chance.  :)